Something wasn’t right. That’s what my mind has been shouting after seeing it. It wasn’t the usual me who’s poking my nose into my parent’s business but I just find it strange, totally strange. Is it really a man’s nature to be so patient, I mean way too patient to his girl? Gees, I really don’t know but you can tell me and you may respond by all means.

Living in such uncivilized, or let me put it in another way as too secluded area like our little place called Alaska, you will surely see some terrific or I may say tremendous scene that you don’t wanna miss (well if you are into seeing bruises and bloods) like riot which is everywhere, gangster bullying, a group of youth picking up some fights to the neighborhood, a kids mom shouting with the other mom and so on. Well yes that’s the accustomed (daily) life in squatter’s area.

Alright, the thing is infidelity is a trend in there too. But the one who’s involved to this issue now is a man who is very dear to me, my dad. But it wasn’t the common “cheating” like the man found some other pretty face and that, it wasn’t him who’s into that but my mom. Yes it was her. He was furious of course after hearing it and when he confronts her she obviously denies it. And the hurting part is history. We all did forget the pain, I guess.

They go on in an “on and off relationship”. They fought yesterday and they’re okay now, that’s the routine. Then one day she didn’t come home after a fight from my dad. Gees where could she be, (the bitch)? Well my super dad of course knows where to find her. He speeded up to that place to fetch her and even gone down on his knees to ask her to come home. How sweet! Well he successfully brought her to OUR home and lives with us with lies.

Then we’ve witnessed such unacceptable agreement that my dad and mom have. We came home from school and hear her yelling at my dad. She said she loves the guy and she loves us too, well that’s her cry when we overhear it. But still she wants too leave us and be free. We’re dumbfounded and hurt but my father’s plea broke our heart. He says he loves her so much and the kids. And that he can’t allow her to leave us.

And he was silent. Then we hear him saying the most stupid arrangement I have ever knew. That if she really wants to see her lover, he will allow them to be together in a schedule basis. She can be with us today and to her lover tomorrow and so on. Hearing that makes me want to jump and clap my hands for joy, well not because of his “brilliant idea” but because of his love. Who the hell can do that except my father? Then it was settled. She’s with us today and tomorrow with him is another sad story.


my dreams 2:12 AM



I dont know why it happens all the time.

As a customer service rep for a US based outsourcing company, my shift starts at 3 A.M. in the morning until 12 noon. So to avoid late logging in Ive decided to report in the office earlier. I usually arrived at 8 or 9 P.M. and took a sleep in the nap room. There are 2 double-decks in there and often times I occupy the lower-left bed with Sam, my office mate and buddy in the nap room.

Before I learned to sleep in that room, Ive heard some stories of some ghosts and stuff there from my co-rep. They said that theres a little girl in there and that sometimes they hear footsteps in the room. Hearing stuff like that wasnt unusual to me. Of course Im scared with it but come to think of it, every buildings or houses were built with such stories of ghosts and spirits right? So I didnt really mind it at all, really.

Well, not until Ive experienced it too. That wasnt the typical night that I barge in to the nap room and throw myself to that bed. I was so exhausted and wet from the rain. It felt so cold in the room, and I thought Manong Guard just switches on the air conditioner. So I pull out my blanket and close my eyes.

Then I just open my eyes and found out that Im not in the offices nap room but somewhere else. Im lying in some what like a bamboo-made bed and Im in a distinctive and typical house. Everything that surrounds me werent familiar like the curtains, the rooms structures, everything. Then the door open and spew out a lady and she smiled at me. We had some little conversations but apparently I cant remember anything about it.

Then I walk out from the room with her and saw a guy in the living room which I know that I knew him, I just cant figure it out. So we talked. Then the lady who fetched me in the room told me to tell him to go home. But I insist not to.

Then for just a blink of an eye the lady transforms into a monster (I think thats funny too). She has a red and bulging eye and the veins in her face looks like it will gonna to blow up. She looks scary. Me and that guy jump out to that house and run as fast as we could. Were like running to that thick corn fields. She was still chasing us until she caught me. I shout out and close my eyes and walk up in the offices nap room.

It was a bad dream, a nightmare. I looked around and found out that Sam is with me already. So I got up and took out my bottled water. After a little refreshing Ive decided to sleep again since that was too early for me to wake up. I grab again my pillow and blanket and sleep again.

Then I woke up on that house again but now Im in a garden. I was talking to that guy Im with on my first dream. Were talking, then that lady appeared again and asks me to send the guy home. She was so furious when I said no. She then transform again and chased us in the corn field. She got me and I woke up again.

It happens again after I force myself to go to sleep. It happens four times in a row on that night I sleep on that room and so as the next day. After the third day of four to five nightmares in a row, I quit staying to that lower-left bed.

And they said that that part too is where they often see the girl and that every time they sleep on that bed they end up having a very bad nightmare.



my dreams 5:56 PM



Im drunk. Sober. Stressed. Pretty. Cranky. Old.

I dont know what is happening to me these past few days. I felt so unwell, sick and tired of everything. Im having this feeling of lonesome to things Im not aware of. Everything around me seems so dull, well except to the fact that Im in love with Sandy of course.

I have this paranoia of death that I dont know where it came from, fear of being alone though I know Im not, obsession of gaining the world that I know I couldnt possibly hold and apprehension to things that I dont understand.

What is wrong with me?

Am I really acting the way I should be? Or am I just being paranoid?

Whoa…

Nay…

Guess Im just silly since birth!

Boy you bet!!!




my dreams 1:18 AM



I was sitting in my favorite chair, studying for the final stages of my doctoral degree, when Sarah announced herself in my presence with a question: "Daddy, do you want to see my family picture?"
"Sarah, Daddy's busy. Come back in a little while, Honey."
Good move, right? I was busy. A week's worth of work to squeeze into a weekend. You've been there.
Ten minutes later she swept back into the living room.
"Daddy, let me show you my picture."
The heat went up around my collar. "Sarah," I said, "come back later. This is important." Three minutes later she stormed into the living room, got three inches from my nose and barked with all the power a five-year-old could muster: "Do you want to see it or don't you?" The assertive woman in training.
"No," I told her, "I don't."
With that, she zoomed out of the room and left me alone. And somehow, being alone at that moment wasn't as satisfying as I thought it would be. I felt like a jerk. (Don't agree so loudly.) I went to the front door.
"Sarah," I called, "could you come back inside a minute, please? Daddy would like to see your picture." She obliged with no recriminations and popped up on my lap.
It was a great picture. She'd even given it a title. Across the top, in her best printing, she had inscribed: "OUR FAMILY BEST."
"Tell me about it," I said.
"Here is Mommy [a stick figure with long, yellow, curly hair], here is me standing by Mommy [with a smiley face], here is our dog Katie, and here is Missy [her little sister was a stick figure lying in the street in front of the house, about three times bigger than anyone else]." It was a pretty good insight into how she saw our family.
"I love your picture, Honey," I told her. "I'll hang it on the dining room wall, and each night when I come home from work and from class (which was usually around 10:00 p.m.), I'm going to look at it."
She took me at my word, beamed ear to ear and went outside to play. I went back to my books. But for some reason I kept reading the same paragraph over and over.
Something was making me uneasy.
Something about Sarah's picture.
Something was missing.
I went to the front door. "Sarah," I called, "could you come back inside a minute, please? I want to look at your picture again, Honey."
Sarah crawled back into my lap. I can close my eyes right now and see the way she looked. Cheeks rosy from playing outside. Pigtails, Strawberry Shortcake tennis shoes. A Cabbage Patch doll named Nellie tucked limply under her arm.
I asked my little girl a question, but I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the answer.
"Honey . . . there's Mommy, and Sarah, and Missy. Katie the dog is in the picture, and the sun, and the house, and squirrels and birdies. But Sarah . . . where is your daddy?"
"You're at the library," she said.
With that simple statement, my little princess stopped time for me. Lifting her gently off my lap, I sent her back to play in the spring sunshine. I slumped back in my chair with a swirling head and blood pumping furiously through my heart. Even as I type these words into the computer, I can feel those sensations all over again. It was a frightening moment. The fog lifted from my preoccupied brain for a moment - and suddenly I could see. But what I saw scared me to death. It was like being in a ship and coming out of the fog in time to see a huge, sharp rock knifing through the surf just off the port bow.
Sarah's simple pronouncement - "You're at the library" - got my attention big-time.
I hung the drawing on the dining room wall, just as I promised my girl. And through those long, intense weeks preceding the oral defense of my dissertation, I stared at that revealing portrait. It happened every night in the silence of my sleeping home, as I consumed my late-night, warmed-over dinners. I didn't have the guts to bring the issue up to Barbara. And she had the incredible insight to let it rest until I had the courage to deal with it. I finally finished my degree program. I was "Dr. Rosberg" now, and I guess should have been a big deal for me. But frankly, there wasn't much joy in my life.
One night after graduation, Barbara and I were lying in bed together and I found myself working up the nerve to ask her a few questions. It was late, it was dark, and as I murmured my first question, I was praying Barbara had already fallen asleep.
"Barb, are you sleeping?" "No," she said. Rats! I thought to myself. Now I'm committed.
"Barbara, you've obviously seen Sarah's picture taped on the dining room wall. Why haven't you said anything?" "Because I know how much it wounded you, Gary." Words from a woman wise beyond her twenty-something years. At that point, I asked the toughest question I've ever asked anyone in my life.
"Barb . . . I want to come home. Can I do it?"
Twenty seconds of silence followed. It seemed like I held my breath for an hour. "Gary," Barb said carefully, "the girls and I love you very much. We want you home. But you haven't been here. I've felt like a single parent for years."
The words look cold in print, but she said them with restraint and tenderness. It was just plain, unvarnished truth. My little girl had drawn the picture, and now her mom was speaking the words. My life had been out of control, my family was on automatic pilot, and I had a long road ahead of me if I wanted to win them back. & nbsp; But I had to win them back. Now that the fog had lifted, it suddenly became the most important thing in my life.

my dreams 7:51 PM

February 14, 2006

Dear Sandy,

If only just every person will take a few moments to look back over their life they might come to recall one single moment that have changed them completely, an event that wobbled them to their heart and changed the course of their life. One special moment when they realized that there was so much more than living in this life, a moment where everything was beyond compare just like a lovely sunset youve first shared or warm rainy days together. With such time that one special person has opened up the world for you and gives you just the exact importance of your existence.

And now as I look back to that never-to-forget moment it gives me the biggest smile that I can have. And youre that person Sandy. You made me realized that life was indeed so beautiful and owes an appreciation instead of endless excuses from me. You have thought me what love is. And that love was indeed the fragrance that fills our heart with warmth and compassion. And it was through you that my life has been filled with a dream which is living a life loving you.

Do you know when was the best time in my life is? Its not the day that I knew you or the day that weve bumped to each other. Its the day that you lead your eyes to me that make me feel beautiful. Funny right? I thought so. But you know what; I have never known someone who makes me feel beautiful, someone so well and so loving like you. And I hold dear every moment that we spent together just like the crazy games we play (bato-bato pik, truth or consequence, batohan, hulaan etc.); munching at Chowking, KFC, Jollibee, Dunkin, Inihaw, Tapsilogan ng (Tapsilog, Hotsilog, Squidballsilog, Bolonasilog, Calamasilog etc.); the endless movies; strolls and sessions. Yah it has been recorded and been dearly held in my heart. And I LOVE YOU so much for that.

I THANK YOU so much Sandy for coming into my life. Youve changed my world completely. Youve thought me the true meaning of contentment and true happiness. Selfless love. Time management. Showy when it comes to my feelings. Don�t quit. Be happy. And I am not ALONE.

Officially were 1 year and 1 month and 19 days today. And that gives us a 520 days together (well included the 10 or 20+ days that were not together) or a 12,480 hours together (well included the other hours that you and I were at school or at work). And you know what; I dont even regret a single second that Ive spent with you. I LOVE YOU so much Sandy and only God know how.

To us right now, I�m pretty much sure that we will get over and endure any ups and down that we will get into because I know that our love that has been tested by time will bond us much stronger.

I LOVE YOU very much.

And for all those lovely memories that you have shared with me and for the future moments that we will share with so much love, joy and respect, I THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU so much po. Happy Valentines Day!

Forever loving you,

Manang Joan

my dreams 10:57 AM



I was so frantic that day because my friends haven’t arrived yet at our meeting place. Then my eye got a glimpse of this guy that I thought one of my friends, so I gather my things and decided to give him a little hint that I’m around.

I think I lost all the blood in my face when he turn around and give me an odd look (maybe thinking why on earth this girl just hit him).

OMG, I just give him a quick smile and stutter as I continue to apologize….while doing my little exit…

Hehehe…



my dreams 11:54 AM



Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others, including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all constructed boats and left. Except for Love.

Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to hold out until the last possible moment.

When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help.

Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?"Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel. "Vanity, please help me!""I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked, "Sadness, let me go with you.""Oh . . . Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"

Happiness passed by Love, too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her.

Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come, Love, I will take you." It was an elder. So blessed and overjoyed, Love even forgot to ask the elder where they were going. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way.

Realizing how much was owed the elder, Love asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who Helped me?""It was Time," Knowledge answered."Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how valuable Love is."

my dreams 3:38 PM



A man stopped at a flower shop to order some flowers to be wired to his mother who lived two hundred miles away. As he got out of his car he noticed a young girl sitting on the curb sobbing.He asked her what was wrong and she replied, "I wanted to buy a red rose for my mother.But I only have seventy-five cents, and a rose costs two dollars." The man smiled and said, "Come on in with me. I'll buy you a rose."He bought the little girl her rose and ordered his own mother's flowers. As they were leaving he offered the girl a ride home. She said, "Yes, please! You can take me to my mother." She directed him to a cemetery, where she placed the rose on a freshly dug grave.The man returned to the flower shop, canceled the wire order, picked up a bouquet and drove the two hundred miles to his mother's house.

my dreams 3:33 PM



The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just before putting him into the box. "There are 5 things you need to know," he told the pencil, "Before I send you out into the world. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best pencil you can be."

"One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in Someone's hand."

"Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil."

"Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make."

"Four: The most important part of you will always be what's inside."

"And Five: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter what the condition, you must continue to write."

The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box with purpose in its heart.

Now replacing the place of the pencil with you. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be.

One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in God's hand. And allow other human beings to access you for the many gifts you possess.

Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, by going through various problems in life, but you'll need it to become a stronger person.

Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.

Four: The most important part of you will always be what's on the inside.

And Five: On every surface you walk through, you must leave your mark. No matter what the situation, you must continue to do your duties.

Allow this parable of the pencil to encourage you to know that you are a special person and only you can fulfill the purpose to which you were born to accomplish.

Never allow yourself to get discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot make a change.

my dreams 3:28 PM



A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and a four-year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together nightly at the dinner table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating rather difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass often milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about grandfather," said the son. I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor. So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner at the dinner table. Since grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. Sometimes when the family glanced in grandfather's direction, he had a tear in his eye as he ate alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and mama to eat your food from when I grow up." The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table.

For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled. Children are remarkably perceptive. Their eyes ever observe, their ears ever listen, and their minds ever process the messages they absorb. If they see us patiently provide a happy home atmosphere for family members, they will imitate that attitude for the rest of their lives. The wise parent realizes that every day that building blocks are being laid for the child's future.

Let us all be wise builders and role models. Take care of yourself, ... and those you love, ... today, and everyday!

my dreams 3:21 PM



A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully and before it blossomed, he examined it.
He saw the bud that would soon blossom, but noticed thorns upon the stem and he thought, "How can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns? Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose, and just before it was ready to bloom... it died.

So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose. The God-like qualities planted in us at birth, grow amid the thorns of our faults. Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects.

We despair, thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect to water the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our potential.

Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it to them. One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past the thorns of another, and find the rose within them.

This is one of the characteristic of love... to look at a person, know their true faults and accepting that person into your life... all the while recognizing the nobility in their soul. Help others to realize they can overcome their faults. If we show them the "rose" within themselves, they will conquer their thorns. Only then will they blossom many times over.

my dreams 3:20 PM