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jhoanneh
Tidbits
Joan Ponsica
22 years old
Santa Isabel College


sweet talks
scrapbooking!br> writing & blogging
reading books of danny brown and bob ong
browsing the net
writing stuff and this
playing scrabble...hehehe
take a nap
chatting with friends
go out with sandy
eating

Dar Links

chic and pretty
friendster
delicious ambiguity


Sincere Thanks

image
layout
photo
title motion
Brushes:DayDreamed



Memories
April 2005
 October 2005
 November 2005
 December 2005
 January 2006
 February 2006
 May 2006
 June 2006
 July 2006
 August 2006
 September 2006

Loathes

when im craving for sweets and cant find one
irritated with sandy
riding the PUJ
irate clients
dumb-founded
traffic in EDSA
>

Playing Now

my favourite songs


life with dreams: Saturday, November 19, 2005

Dear Mommy,

I am in Heaven now, sitting on Jesus' lap.
He loves me and cries with me; for my heart has been broken.
I so wanted to be your little girl. I don't quite understand what has happened.
I was so excited when I began realizing my existence.
I was in a dark, yet comfortable place. I saw I had fingers and toes.
I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surroundings.
I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping.
Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between you and me.
Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you. Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry.
I heard Daddy yelling back.
I was sad, and hoped you would be better soon.
I wondered why you cried so much. One day you cried almost all of the day.
I hurt for you. I couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy.
That same day, the most horrible thing happened.
A very mean monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was in.
I was so scared, I began screaming, but you never once tried to help me.
Maybe you never heard me.
The monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming,
"Mommy, Mommy, help me please; Mommy, help me."
Complete terror is all I felt.
I screamed and screamed until I thought I couldn't anymore.
Then the monster started ripping my arms off.
It hurt so bad; the pain I can never explain.
It didn't stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop.
I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off.
Though I was in such complete pain, I was dying.
I knew I would never see your face or hear you say how much you love me.
I wanted to make all your tears go away.
I had so many plans to make you happy.
Now I couldn't; all my dreams were shattered.
Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all.
I wanted more than anything to be your daughter.
No use now, for I was dying a painful death.
I could only imagine the terrible things that they had done to you.
I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I didn't know the words you could understand.
And soon, I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead.
I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place.
I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone.
The angel took me to Jesus and set me on His lap.
He said He loved me, and He was my Father. Then I was happy. I asked Him what the thing was that killed me. He answered, "Abortion.
I am sorry, my child; for I know how it feels."
I don't know what abortion is;
I guess that's the name of the monster.
I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl.
I tried very hard to live.
I wanted to live. I had the will, but I couldn't; the monster was too powerful.
It sucked my arms and legs off and finally got all of me. It was impossible to live.
I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you.
I didn't want to die.
Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster.
Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did.

Please be careful.

Love,
Your Baby Girl


my dreams 2:24 AM



life with dreams: Monday, November 07, 2005

At this point of time, I've discovered something in me.

As I was lying sleepless in my bed, the clock is tickling in my ears; it seems like a gentle touch that carries me to my deepest slumber. But then a phrase just popped-up in my head, shouting at me, "You're so alone now! There's no one who will be there for you! No one Joan!" so I jumped off from my bed and cleared my mind.

So then I've realized as I have stared the four-cornered of my room that I'm staying. "Yes, I'm totally alone."

It broke my heart apparently realizing such painful certainty.

In the midst of my self-pity and depression (kuno), something within me triggers my heart and mind. It awakens me from my unconsciousness. It shows me the essence of all these heartaches and pain.

It seems talking to me saying, "Do you know the quintessence of failure, hurt and being alone? It is the product that we become. Through this you've learned to dream and stand!"


"Wow!" was the only word that I have been able to utter after that recognition.

Well, I maybe alone but through this it makes me independent and strong one in this game called LIFE.



my dreams 5:35 PM